Don't mention the privates.

Basil Tower: funny Hitler walk

 The title makes a reference to the expression "Don't mention the war"

said by John Cleese/ Basil Fawlty in the episode

The Germans from Fawlty Towers.

No subject is more fertile for linguistic strangeness than when speakers talk about their privates.

A certain embarrassment or rudeness about uttering the words penis or vagina compels speakers to be linguistically creative - and weird - to disguise the subject.



Once I challenged a lad from Doncaster to guess the meaning of a few ‘gay’ words I’d learnt watching Will & Grace. In return he challenged me to guess the meaning of a few words he knew.

“One eyed bed fairy. ’umpton. Tally wacker. Bald Avenger. Widgy. Todger. Doofer. Shaft.”

“What?” I said confused.

“’ow ’bout…” He continued, “Sixpence. Fluzie. Minge. Muff. Fanny. Beaver. Snatch.”

He explained that such terms referred to the male and female genitalia.

I thought I’d learned all, but then I realised that such list of words are infinite. Probably because, with time, people become familiarised with terms as such, and so to keep subject disguised, speakers tend to create new terms.

Recently, I learned a few new terms as I watched The Wright Way on BBC 1.

The terms were uttered by the character Victoria who, in her words, “took an embarrassing rudy selfie.”

Selfie is already a brand new word. Rudy selfie, as I understand, is an euphemistic way of saying ‘picture of your lower body’.

Victoria clarifies ‘how rude’ her rudy selfie is: "I took a pic of my... Fanwa.”

Victoria is a DJ and, after having gained a Facebook fan page for her anwa, she becomes known as ‘DJ Vee-Jay-Jay’.

Vee-Jay-Jay seems to have been popularised in Grey’s Anatomy, and is a common word nowadays.

The linguistic creativity doesn’t stop at the level of the common noun. It’s common for people to name their lower parts with proper nouns.

This week’s Sweat the Small Stuff (series 1, ep. 6) on BBC 3 presented examples of how people nickname their ‘downstairs pal’.

Some names borrow from the owner's name. A guest suggested, for instance, that Tulisa should call hers Tulipsa. A particular man, whose name is Yasin, called his Yas. Unlike Yas, other nicknames mentioned - Carlito, Hercules, Minky - are unrelated to the owners’. A lady - name Claire - called hers Minnie Moo, a lad - name Brad - called his Bobby. This also seems to be the case of Jerry - nickname given by fans to Justin Bieber’s.

Whatever the reason - be it for jocosity, politeness, or intimacy – the varied terms with which people refer to privates make of the subject an everlasting spring of words for English.